Crona's Sadness
by Melissa Samuelsen
Summary: A short one from Crona's pov. He's in love with Kid, but his feelings are not returned. It's sorta jumpy, but my mind kept wandering.


I've lived at the DWMA for about four years now. And things are going smoothly I guess. Maka has been really kind, even going as far as introducing me to her friends. We've all become kinda close which frightens me.

Right now my past is just a distant memory. I barely remember the things Lady Medusa put me through. They have been replaced with happy memories with these peoplefriends.

Lately I've become really close to Kid. We spend hours each day together. Mostly we work on homework, or researching for his newest assignment. But it's still just the two of us. And I've noticed that the more time I spend with him, the happier I feel. All the pain I've had in my life slips away when I see his face. But there is no way he'd ever feel the same way for someone like me. I'm unworthy of his love.

You're probably wondering if I've ever told him how I feel. Surprisingly I have. And that was a terrible experience that I never want to repeat. He didn't laugh or anything. It was much worse.

He ignored it.

And he acted as though everything was exactly the same. At first, when the words stutteringly came out of my mouth he said 'Oh. Well, that's nice.' But the next day, and the following months it was as if I never said anything. I can't tell which is worse: him not acknowledging them or not feeling the same way.

After a few weeks I tried to pull away from him. Maybe if I didn't see him as much, my feelings would fade. Boy was I wrong. The farther I pulled the worse it felt. I couldn't stop thinking about him. School work, missions, my friends; nothing could take him off my mind. And worst of all it felt as though part of me was missing. I longed to talk to him, to catch a glimpse of him walking by. I wanted to be whole again.

And then Maka told me how much Kid missed having me around, that he was worried about me. This gave me the slightest glimmer of hope that he felt the same.

I came back, praying that he would welcome me with open arms. All I received was a pat on the back and a 'don't scare me like that again.' That was something I guess. But it still hurt.

We picked up right where we left off, which I was grateful for because I had him in my life again. But at the same time it hurt more then ever. The only thing I wanted was to be his and have him be mine. And being here with him, seeing that smile on his face, only broke my heart.

I couldn't pull away, and I couldn't stay here. So I sat in my emotional limbo for weeks unsure what to do. We would laugh and smile together. His genuine and mine forced. I didn't want to upset him, and I couldn't tell him what was wrong.

This whole situation was tearing me in half. I wanted to tell him how bad this hurt, but I couldn't. It wouldn't solve anything, in fact it would make thing worse. Surely he'd turn his back on me, and there was no way I could deal with that.

In the end he forced my hand. Someone else captured his heart, and he slowly pushed me aside. When I asked him about it, he denied it up and down. I was still precious to him; he cared about me and things like that. But he couldn't realize that I wanted more. Even though I told him point blank that I was in love with him, he still couldn't see it. Yet he didn't want to lose me.

He was toying with me, that's all it was. A vindictive mind game. Part of him knew I wasn't going to leave, so he wanted to keep me here as a fall back. If things didn't work out with Liz I would be there to fill that hole. Was he only using me? I wouldn't doubt it. He was after all a shinigami. He had everything handed to him on a silver platter. He didn't know anything about how the world worked. If he wanted something it was his, and if he wanted to keep it around he would.

Why did I care so much about such a horrible person? Someone that would toy with another's emotions. "Crona you mean so much to me, I love a friend. I had feelings for you once, but that was a long time ago." Why would he say something like that, knowing full and well how much I care? He infuriated me more then even Lady Medusa did. Sometimes I wished he would die. Would that take my pain away? Would I be able to deal with that instead?

I would see him in the halls, happily clinging to Liz, and I'd curse him under my breath. The others would ask if I was happy for him. "Sure, of course I am. We're friends after all" I'd say through my forced smile.

I wanted them to both rot in hell.

Why did I think that? How can I replace that kind of love with such hatred? I'm.I'm a monster. It's no wonder he never cared. Who could love someone like me? I'm not worth his love or affection.

He's happy with Liz, so I should be as well. If he means so much to me then why doesn't his happiness take precedence? I'm selfish. A terrible friend and selfish.

This emotional roller coaster is becoming more then I can bear.

It'll take some time, but I think I can deal with the way things are. Losing him would be the worst thing I can imagine. So I will continue to suffer in silence.


End file.
